Hello my starlights!
It’s the new year and this marks the very first video for the new year. I wanted to do this as a way of honoring my own journey so far and to offer some insight for those who are on their own shadow work journey.
Now, if you don’t know what shadow work is…I presume that you may think of something uncanny or dark and evil. If you truly don’t know what shadow work is. Shadow work in a nutshell…is the will to face your demons. To explore and learn about your own darkness. It is the practice of integrating all the repressed parts of yourself.
I’ve been doing it for quite a few years now. And I do it on and off. But I seemed to had stayed stuck in it for roughly 3 years straight and that was rough. I really wanted to take my shadow work seriously and work on myself, I wanted to prove and show my spirit team that I can do it along with myself. Granted at this time, I couldn’t see a counselor as well, so I felt like I really had to be my own.
It was hard, and I say it was hard simply for the fact of learning to be your light and savior. To be nurturing in the mist of a dark storm. Really listening to yourself as you break, as you feel and then nourishing yourself. Reminding yourself it’s ok. It takes a lot of self awareness.
Now, I’m just explaining my journey so far mind you. I don’t recommend doing shadow work as rigorous as I did it, unless you truly want to. Mind you, during this time, I was so focused on shadow work and healing and learning about myself… I forgot that I still had permission to do other spiritual things. Granted, I didn’t need permission. But I became really stuck in my own pit of darkness of exploring.
It came to a point of last year in 2025, that I was becoming spiritually and emotionally burnt out. I was forcing myself to do this work while exhausting myself. And my spirit team kept telling me how much I need to rest and just allow things to be. That I did the work, all that is left is to allow myself to receive, to be held, to allow myself to integrate and process what has all happened. Yet…Through out it, I felt like I forgotten how to rest. What it meant to simply stay still and let someone else step in for awhile for you.
I kept at it, thinking I wasn’t doing enough for myself. I wasn’t taking things seriously and couldn’t help but be hard on myself. And that in awareness, is a aspect of my shadow I was so desperately trying to work on. It got to the point however… I had dreams of 2 of my beloved entities I work with, kept delivering dreams to me of how I need to slow down and stop. I had a dream of walking into my room and the light wouldn’t cut on. I tried to light Loki’s candle at his altar to give my room light and it wouldn’t light. No candle would at my altars. And I felt Abaddon’s presence within my room, in the dark and remember viewing a angel upon my tv but it was so faint. And I heard in the other room, my brother mentioning how much work I’ve done to myself but something about this dream screamed to me upon waking up. To just stop. I desperately needed to rest and pause.
And… it slowly started to feel like I was stuck. I wasn’t going anywhere. I felt like I was in quick sand trying desperately to move and get out. And in a way, it felt like my spirit team was doing this for my own sake. Since I was being so stubborn on not resting and wanting to still tread on while burnt out completely. I knew however…the right way to get out of the quick sand. Fighting against it makes it worst. And the same applies to shadow work. I just had to stop and pause. I had to understand that I don’t always have to do work for it to be effective. This too was a huge learning point for me and in my own path.
So… I started to let lose and tend to myself in ways that felt nurturing and soothing to what ached within me from so much exhaustion. And my spirit team really helped with it. But I fought so much with the idea and feeling that I needed to do this all alone. Without their help. That I’m not to seek outside of me for comfort or saving. That I need to do the saving for myself. And While this is true… You don’t need to do it to the extent of how I did it. Learn for my own mistakes.
That yes, it’s important for you to become your own savior. If you are lost, find yourself. But don’t think your are doing it completely alone. That you need to. And even if you feel like you are, your spirit team is helping on the side. Whether you like it or not. You don’t need to feel like your being too reliant on your guides during any type of shadow work. It’s rough, it’s messy, it’s dark and it goes deep. I was struggling with accepting my own guides help for awhile. Rather it was being conflicted with the idea and feelings of I don’t want to rely on them too much and then knowing that I can. And…whether or not I should allow myself comfort or if I’m seeking it as a easy escape.
In another dream I was stealing food for nourishment before entering a pawn shop, only to see Loki. Freezing when he asked me if I need any help. I knew and felt it deep within me and my gut that I wanted help. I needed help. But in the dream, I got scared. My throat closed up and I simply shook my head no to him before lowering it with defeat.
In another dream, I was having it really hard… I was struggling with my own inner conflict of just trying to understand and process everything. Whether I was doing something good or bad. Should I be getting emotional about this? And knowing that yeah, I should be because I need to feel and process it. Mixed with, I don’t want to be seen as being too reliant but knowing that I need to lean on my spirit team desperately and those around me. I paralyzed myself spiritually and emotionally and even mentally. And, within this other dream… I carried all this emotions and feelings with me, and I remember suddenly being hugged buy Lucifer and the type of hug it was stunned me and made me even more paralyzed. It was comfort I desperately craved and wanted but was too scared to ask for. And even upon waking up it stuck with me for awhile.
In another dream Loki did the same to me and again I reacted by being stunned and paralyzed. Not sure how to react or what to do. But even when both happened, I felt like within my being… I was able to relax and allow myself to know that comfort for the work I’ve been doing is ok. And I continued to try and help myself with unwinding and simply trying to be their for myself. And not just as a savior, to embrace and integrate my shadows. But for all that I had neglected myself with physically here.
Through out the years to this very point…I’ve come to truly understand myself a lot more than I thought. I was always self aware but I think I’ve become more self aware of my being. But that doesn’t mean I’m 100% self aware with all that I do. I’m not perfect in regards to that for I am still human. But I’ve come to understand my ego more, how it shows, what hurts it, how it tries to defend and protect. The void the exist within us all and how it’s not as dangerous as one might think. How generational trauma lingers and is passed on, but can be healed and worked on through you alone. Through this journey so far, It’s truly helped me to learn that other people’s views and opinions don’t define me and honestly feel like something falling upon your shoulder and you flick it off with no care in the world. It feels magical and empowering when you learn to master yourself by understanding yourself and who you are. Really listening and understanding your turmoil and meeting it with a gentle hand or hug. It feels like taking your power back. Reclaiming what was already yours, but got lost through layers of dirt and sediment.
However, as I’ve also realized…this is only the beginning of a path and journey that extends to other things within you. But it’s up to you on which path you choose to take with it as you journey upon your shadow work.
So please be kind to yourself, take it easy and slow. And know you got this. If it becomes too heavy and you can afford it, please do this with a counselor. I could not for my own journey up to this very point, and I wouldn’t recommend it for it truly did get heavy and at times I thought I might not make it. But I’m glad I did and can share it with you all my lovely and beautiful starlights.
Take care and I will see you all later.
Bye
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